love

Practical Forgiveness

It’s rich when your abuser preaches forgiveness.

And you are completely justified in the feelings of absolute rage that rhetoric provokes.

It’s humbling when your safe friends preach the same message at the same time.

Because even though your personal feelings around the topic are complicated.

You know forgiveness is right.

It’s hard and it’s not fair. It feels like you are giving up your right to justice and recourse and closure.

And it’s still always the right thing to do.

And that is absolutely rage inducing.

And reconciling the two conflicting emotions that are at war in your soul is the single largest internal battle you will ever face.

Because as cliche as it sounds

Forgiveness is not about letting your abuser off the hook.

Forgiveness is about letting your soul acknowledge the pain.

You must acknowledge the pain you face. You must name it for what it is. Forgivness, contrary to our society’s beliefs and expectations is not pretending the offense never happened. Forgiveness is naming the offense for what it was. Becoming intimate with the damage it caused. Being honest about the scars that were left. That still hurt to touch. That are still being protected from too much stimulation because of the sting.

When we get a physical wound, we don’t constantly scrape at it, or poke it. We don’t (or shouldn’t) pick at the scab that is left behind while the new skin is forming. We also don’t ignore the wound when it happens. We clean out the irritants and dirt to avoid infection. We dress the wound with ointment, and we provide an extra layer of protection until healing occurs.

When abuse happens, and we need to forgive our abusers, in common society, we are asked to skip the steps of cleaning, dressing and healing and move on to the final outcome of a healed mark to remind us.

That isn’t logical or possible.

An ignored wound festers. It becomes infected. Try as we would to pretend that nothing is there, the bacteria gets in and makes us sick from the inside out. Sometimes, the infection hurts us more than the original wound would have to begin with.

Just like a child hides from their parent to avoid the pain of cleaning a hurt scrape, we can hide from each other to avoid the pain of repairing a damaged relationship. And just like pretending the damage isn’t there on a physical wound leads to infection and bigger hurt later, pretending that hurt and offense isn’t there in the name of fake forgiveness causes bigger hurt later.

Sepsis is an infection that stems from this type of scenario- and sepsis if left untreated can cause death.

Unforgiveness is the one thing that can cause us to miss out on heaven. Failure to forgive others causes us to not be able to be forgiven.

It is much more difficult to accept the concept of unconditional love when you realize it applies to the person you have the most problems with as equally as it applies to you.

It is much more difficult to practice unconditional love in action (through actions, not feelings) when we are loving those who hurt us intentionally and we know they hurt us intentionally and they are mocking us by quoting the command to forgive back at us.

We are not forgiving for their sake. We are not providing them a free pass. We are clearing ourselves to receive the blessings and not allowing us to be tied to earthly hindrances.

Forgiveness does not mean intentionally putting yourself in the line of fire either. It is perfectly ok to hold no wish of harm towards another person, and also not want them to be in close proximity to you.

Jesus had his circle of 12, but he treated everyone with kindness and respect. Not everyone needs the same level of access to your soul.

And this is the condemnation

condemn: sentence (someone) to a particular punishment, especially death

condemnation: the action of condemning someone to a punishment; sentencing.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

He that believes on him is not condemned: but he that believes not is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.“

This is a pretty familiar portion of scripture for those who are familiar. For those who aren’t, the above is found in John 3:16 through 19.

Now, I can’t tell you how many times in my evangelical upbringing I have heard and even memorized this passage of scripture and glossed right over these words and then took them to mean something other than what they are saying right there in plain print.

The condemnation (sentence or punishment for rejecting Jesus- or so I was always taught) we are supposed to be avoiding is hellfire and brimstone.

Save souls.

The entire point of Jesus living and serving and then dying and being raised again, and then these words being penned is so that we can reach others and share the gospel message of his life, death, and resurrection with them before it’s too late.

Except, that’s not what the words are saying at all.

What the words are saying is that the condemnation we are supposed to be avoiding is loving darkness more than light. and that those who don’t believe are condemned already.

That doesn’t sound like literal hellfire to me. That doesn’t sound like a fear of the rapture, anxiety-inducing, fear of death, repent before you run out of time kind of message.

We love darkness more than light when our deeds are evil, and we don’t want our deeds to be seen by others.

Because the darkness hides, but the light uncovers.

When we choose to believe in Jesus, we are not condemned because we are choosing the way of light. We are choosing to see the evil for what it is and we are choosing to stop hiding it. From ourselves, and from others. We are choosing the way of love.

When we choose to not believe in Jesus, we are already condemned because we had a chance to choose love, to choose light, and we preferred to continue living in darkness because we liked the benefits of our sin more than the benefits of giving up our sin.

It’s not hellfire and brimstone. It’s a condemnation of deeds.

People who are good and love do good and loving things.

People who are bad and don’t love do bad and unloving things.

And sometimes it’s more complex- with hurt people wanting to do good things and not knowing how or not understanding how their actions ultimately cause pain and suffering- and grace covers that.

Matthew 7-15 states that by their works they shall be known.

John 13:35 states that if you love one another, you will know you are His disciples.

Jesus himself says in John 14: 15 “if you love me keep my commandments” and then in John 15:12 he tells us that “This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you”

God loves us, and we have a chance to experience that love without limitations. We have the choice. The condemnation isn’t some far off experience to avoid. It’s every minute we live without love in our lives knowing we don’t have to.

Ponderings on Mark 2

(an excerpt from verses 19 through 24)

And Jesus said unto them,

“Can the children of the bridechamber fast, while the bridegroom is with them? as long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days. No man also sews a piece of new cloth on an old garment: or else the new piece that filled it up takes away from the old, and the tear is made worse. And no man puts new wine into old bottles: or else the new wine would burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles.”

And it came to pass, that he went through the corn fields on the sabbath day; and his disciples began, as they went, to pluck the ears of corn. And the Pharisees said unto him,

“Behold, why do they do on the sabbath day that which is not lawful?”

In verse 16 we see the catalyst for Jesus’ words:

And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, “How is it that he eats and drinks with publicans and sinners?”

Jesus hears this and replies:

“They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance”

Which is when Jesus is questioned about fasting and we see the familiar use of spiritual metaphor in his response.

So what is being said?

No man also sews a piece of new cloth on an old garment: or else the new piece that filled it up takes away from the old, and the tear is made worse

and

no man puts new wine into old bottles: or else the new wine would burst the bottles, and the wine would spill, and the bottles will be marred:

and

new wine must be put into new bottles

It’s like Jesus is saying that he is the bridegroom and the piece of new cloth and the new wine.

And his generation, his time, humanity then is the old garment and the old bottles;

And there needs to be a new garment to be able to contain the new cloth, new bottles to be able to contain the new wine.

And there is a tear between his generation or time and the next generation or time.

And his being there will make things worse for the old garment and the old bottles because what he has and is, is brand new.

And that tear is the law. The longer Jesus is there, the more he exposes the flaws between a doctrine of legalism and a doctrine of grace.

And the tear still exists. And there still needs to be a place to put the new wine because the alternative is to let it spill and go to waste.

So like wine ages, his teachings will age until a new time comes again:

And there are new bottles able to contain the new wine, and he can create the new out of the old garment:

And maybe, just maybe:

That’s also why the mixing of fabrics was so looked down on too.

Because if you choose the law you are effectively making the sacrifice of Jesus worthless.

And if you use grace as an excuse to sin- you are making a mockery of the one you claim to love.

lets_fall_in_love-wallpaper-10187402

I love Love.

Whenever I hear about two people falling in love, I can’t help but smile. I want all of the beautiful, juicy details. The mushier they are, the happier I am.

How did you meet? Was it love at first sight? What caught your interest? How did you get each others attention? Who made the first move? When did you realize it was love? What are your plans, hopes and dreams for the future?

The idea of love promises so much.

There is this sense of security that comes with being in love.

You feel protected and safe. You feel happy. You feel like you belong.

My husband calls it a “coming home” feeling.

I love Love- and as beautiful and wonderful as the love I just described is- there is so much more to love than a mutual affection between two people.

In fact, according to the Ancient Greeks, there are 8 types of love:

Agape- Unconditional Love
Eros- Romantic Love
Philia- Affectionate Love
Philautia- Self Love
Storge- Familiar Love
Pragma- Enduring Love
Ludus- Playful Love
Mania- Obsessive Love

Eros is the type of love so many of us are focused on. It’s the type of love that I described above. It’s good to have Eros in your life, but, there is more to life than Eros.

I’m going to shift gears for a minute.

One of my personal struggles and areas for growth is my tendency to have an all or nothing outlook on life. Everything used to be so black and white for me. – Either something is right, or it is wrong. Either something has value, or it doesn’t. Either something is truth, or it isn’t. – A lot of this mentality is a result of how I (mis?) interpreted what others said about what it means to be a Christian.

Now, to get back on track.

It’s really hard to embrace the spectrum of color that is life and love when you are constantly hearing blanket statements about sin and human nature.

Because blanket statements don’t seem to leave room for unconditional (Agape) love.

It is my personal opinion that Agape love includes, but is not limited to, each of the other types of love.

I’ve either heard it said, read somewhere, or felt the implication that true unconditional love is next to impossible- but maybe not completely impossible- for humanity to experience- that God alone is capable of expressing agape love- and the closer we get to God, the better able we are to love others well.

It is because of this “feeling” that I propose the following:

Truth is found in love.
Religion can get us close, but not all the way.
Religious rules stem from the fear of being unloved.
It’s hard (but not impossible) to accept love, when we can’t, or won’t, give love.
It’s hard (but not impossible) to give love when we can’t, or won’t, accept love.
Love is both a noun and a verb.
We can’t always control how we feel.
We can always control how we act.
You don’t have to like or agree with someone to love them- but it definitely helps.
When loving others becomes your focus, the fear of being unloved is removed.
When the fear of being unloved no longer controls you, you see the world differently.
When you love people for who they are, you become less concerned with their choices- and you allow them to experience love without conditions.
Being able to truly love without conditions is the strongest evidence of spiritual growth.

But, what IS love?

To quote the Bible:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love is intangible- You can see it through others, you can feel it in your life, you can express it through actions and words- but, at it’s core- love is just a concept.

Just an idea.

A whisper, a breath, a vapor.

It has no form. It has no color. It has no shape, no mass, no quantifiable measurement.

Love just is.

and, at the center of it all-

God is Love. (1 John 4:8)

Submission: Beauty or Withcraft?

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

Submission is beautiful until it becomes about control. Then it’s witchcraft.

I heard/read this quote on a comment to a Facebook live video. It resonates with me.

I’m going off script- and what I’m trying to say is meant to help those who have fallen victim to spiritual abuse.

Spiritual Abuse is when someone uses the threat of eternal consequences to maintain a position of control.

It sounds a lot like “submit to those who have authority over you, or else…” “submit to your pastor, even if he is wrong, God will bless your obedience” (this one irks me in a special sort of way) or “the only way to be saved is to follow “my” rules- here’s how I twisted scripture to support that”.

It’s been my personal experience (with some, not all) that pastors in the UPCI (United Pentecostal Church International) are obsessed with the idea of pastoral authority. They preach it often as gospel. The pastor’s preferences on matters that are supposed to be a representation of the individuals personal walk with God are preached to be as ideal and as authoritative as the Bible.

Many of the examples pertain to women, but not all.

Women- don’t cut your hair. Men- don’t have long hair.

Women- don’t wear pants or be immodest. Men- don’t wear shorts or appear to be too feminine in your appearance.

Women- don’t wear make up. Men- don’t have beards.

Both- Avoid movie theaters.

Both- Abstain from alcohol and other mind altering drugs.

Both- Ask your pastor for advice before doing anything that affects your personal life.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Each of these examples are beautiful symbols of consecration IF the believer truly wants to live this way.

The issue is when the believer points out the legalism behind these “standards”.

It’s always coated with a layer of “we don’t do these things TO BE saved, we do these things because WE ARE saved”.

The unspoken implication of course is- if you don’t do these things, then you aren’t really saved. Enter- Spiritual Abuse.

Pastors, friends desiring pastoral roles in this denomination- please see this for what it is.

Please study the cultural context behind the passages most often used to perpetrate this belief system.

Please stop referring to people, like me, who have chosen to live in the freedom God has given us, as backsliders.

It’s damaging. It causes depression and anxiety. It creates a stumbling block.

It’s not your job as a pastor to monitor the day to day lives of your congregation. It’s your job as a pastor to encourage a personal walk with God between God and each unique individual in your church- and that walk- if the culture you create in your church is of authentic freedom- will and should- look differently for every person.

We AREN’T sheep- as much as that term is loved. We ARE all human beings, created in the image of our creator, and we all have the right and the freedom to express our love for Him however HE leads us- not how a pastor sees fit to declare from a pulpit.

(I am aware that this may come across as harsh. A lot of the pastors I know on a personal level would argue that they enforce standards because they have to give an account to God for the souls of their congregation. You aren’t responsible for making people follow a list of rules- only for creating an environment of growth and acceptance.)

Just Imagine

As I study more about Paul and the early church, without the lens of Western Christianity, the more I’m convinced that Paul wanted the whole gospel spread to the whole world. I believe he was a pacifist who wanted new Christians to obey the laws of their time UNLESS those laws impeded what are now considered basic human rights. Obey the law when it’s morally acceptable, and don’t when it’s not. I believe that his interpretation of morally acceptable directly related to loving God and loving each other.

I don’t believe that sin is found in how we dress, what form of entertainment you prefer, or in your willingness or ability to leave your brain at the door. I believe that sin is directly proportionate to the love we show others. Especially when we disagree with their political views, religion, or lifestyle.

Paul’s words were never about how to reach people, but always about how to live so your life was the testimony.

I believe that America has become obsessed with the idea of identifying sin based on culture and social cues, instead of on the Word of God. Instead of being concerned with the trap of legislating grace and creating an environment of legalism instead of freedom, we have created corporations out of mercy, and we withhold the true message of the gospel for fear of monetary loss.

Just imagine the impact America would have in spreading the gospel if as a country she applied those same principles that us as individuals are admonished to abide by.

I’m not talking about the principles of working for your food, but of giving freely as God gave freely. I’m not talking about the principles of abolishing abortion or gay marriage, but of if your enemy compels you to walk one mile, walk two. I’m not talking about the principles of destroy the enemies of God, but of love your enemy. I’m not talking about the principles of pending doom and judgement, but of love and peace.

The interesting thing about faith? None of that makes sense, but faith never does. A lot of evangelical and fundamental churches constantly ask us to ignore logic and human reasoning when it comes to excluding people from grace. It’s time to do the same so we can include everyone.

True Christianity is about doing the right thing, even if you lose your comfort, standard of living, or life.

Just imagine.

The Gospel: “Why?” not “What?”

black and white cemetery christ church Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Simply put, gospel means good news.

Chances are you know about the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. You many not believe it, but you have heard about it.

Maybe the good news isn’t so much that Jesus died- but more that He lived. Maybe the point isn’t so much “what” happened, as “why” it happened.

Maybe we are missing the mark by ignoring why that subtle difference matters.

I don’t think the most important take away of the good news is that we get to escape hell.

The good news is good news because it’s meant to bring God’s kingdom (Heaven) to earth.

In the words of Jesus “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.”

The good news isn’t that those who follow Jesus get to miraculously escape the evils of the world we live in, but that those who follow Jesus are constantly working to show love where evil presides the most.

The good news is meant to invoke so much love for our fellow human beings that it doesn’t make sense to those who don’t understand what it means to truly love.

For example, it’s easy for (most) us to love our family more than we love ourselves- easy to the point of almost being natural.

An instinct.

An impulse.

I wouldn’t think twice about going without a meal to make sure my own kids have enough to eat. My husband wouldn’t think twice about giving me his jacket if I’m cold, even if he is cold too.

It’s not easy to apply those same principals to people we don’t know- people who we aren’t personally invested in or acquainted with. People we have been taught to be wary or judgmental of.

It’s not easy to willingly vote for higher taxes so the poor in our community can have equal access to health care.

It’s not easy to set aside our prejudice and fear so those seeking asylum have the same opportunity to live in peace that we do.

It’s not easy to demand equal rights for all when the path to get there threatens our own privilege.

It’s not easy to hear and listen to the cry for bodily autonomy when we associate that with a threat to our own comfort and quality of life.

But that’s what it means to share the good news. That’s what it means to love others the way we love ourselves. That’s what it means to love the way Jesus loved.

Just as we traditionally think of fathers protecting and mothers nurturing- God protects and nurtures us.

Both men and women were created in God’s own image- and that fact transcends political preference and personal bias. That fact reaches to all nations, every tribe, every tongue, every culture.

Each and every single human being on this earth is the image of God, and as such we are all God’s children.

If we are to believe that God is our parent, then we have to believe that God is their parent too. There is no discriminating factor with God.

It’s important to note that God’s kingdom isn’t limited by geography, or language, or culture- anything that defines or limits earthly kingdoms.

“Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my kingdom is not of this world.” (John 18:36)

If we truly believe that God is loving and just and merciful and kind- we have to believe that doesn’t only apply to us in our North American bubble- It applies to the Middle East. It applies to Russia. It applies to Syria. It applies to those we are at war with. It applies to those we have peace treaties with. It applies to those we have harmed. It applies to those who have harmed us.

God is Love.

Where love is, God is.

“Anyone who does not love, does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

The greatest command is to love God, and to love your neighbor is of equal value:

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22: 37-40)

You can’t love an invisible God if you can’t love visible people.

“If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen. ” (1 John 4:20)

In order to truly love- we have to first understand what it means to love, and to love well.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-10)

If God is love, then:

God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no account of wrongs. God takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God never fails.

I don’t think it’s an accident that the first fruit of the Spirit listed is love.

“For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” Galatians 5:22-23

There is no law against love.

And maybe that is what the good news is all about to begin with.

Maybe that was what Jesus was trying to teach us through his ministry on earth.

Maybe that is what we are responsible for spreading to the whole earth.

If your religion teaches you not to love another person- than your religion is in vain, and it is not of God.

Don’t lose sight of the why.