A lie is a lie

“A lie is a lie, whether you’re joking or not”. The tone Jeremy used to correct me, a little girl of about 8, was firm and serious.

I remember feeling confused by his words, and can still feel the carefree smile mixed with laughter leave my mind to be immediately followed by a fear that would become all too familiar in my adult life.

I hadn’t meant to do anything wrong. I had only wanted to make him laugh. He seemed to really like my mom, so I really wanted him to like me too. He never seemed to want me around when he visited.

I knew that lying was wrong. I remembered how angry my Nanny got with me when I lied about wearing the makeup I was given at a birthday party.

I wanted to wear the beautiful blue, shiny powder so badly. It was so beautiful, and I wanted to feel beautiful too.

“Young ladies that love God don’t wear makeup.” My aunt had gently explained. “You can have it for the drive home, but when we get home, I’m afraid we’re going to have to throw it out. You don’t want God to think you don’t like how He made you, do you?”

Of course I didn’t. I loved God, and I wanted to be a good girl so He would love me too. All I ever wanted was to be good enough to be loved.

But, the sparkles had my full attention. Only a little bit wouldn’t hurt….

“Is Ashley wearing makeup?” Nanny asked my aunt, her disapproval was evident in my shame filled mind.

“No.” I lied.

It never occurred to me that it was obvious that I was lying.

A few days, maybe a week later, Nanny stopped to talk to my uncle through the car window. I was so excited to see her. I hadn’t seen her since the makeup Birthday party, and I had already forgotten that I told her a lie.

“I love you Nanny!” I shouted through the window excitedly.

Nanny turned her small frame toward me, and looked at me with sad eyes through her round glasses. She didn’t say a word to me, but she asked my uncle to remind me that little girls who lie don’t deserve to be spoken to. Then she walked away. I was crushed. I also never forgot how bad lying was, and took great care to be as honest as I could be from then on.

“A lie is a lie, whether you’re joking or not.”

I wasn’t sure I liked how that sounded, but lying was wrong and Jeremy believed it. Jeremy liked my mom, so I had to make sure to be very careful to only tell the truth. No more jokes.

It’s really hard to make people laugh when you have to worry about not making God angry all of the time. If joking is the same as lying, God must be a very serious, stern person.